A Badly Written Fanfic
by TheMarioAndLuigiSisters
Summary: What happens when a badly written fanfic really DOES happen to you. THIS IS PURELY A CRACK FIC DO NOT FLAME For full summary read the pre-face inside
1. Preface

**Cici: Hello my soon-to-be amazing readers! I'm Cici and I wrote this fic. Basically this is the preface to the fic, but allow me to make one think absolutely clear *clears throat* THIS IS A CRACK FIC!!! PURE CRACK!!! THIS IN NO WAY IS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AT ALL. THIS WAS WRITTEN PURELY FOR LAUGHS!!! No flamers will be accepted. Your comments will be deleted and then we will proceed to kidnap you, tie you up in my basement (and yes I do have one), tape your eyes open and force you to watch Wiggles and telitubbies (sp?) over and over for hours on end. To anyone else reviews are welcomed with open arms and you will go on the review cookies list^^ Now please sit back, laugh, and enjoy the fic.**

**Timber: *Edited this so that she is now here* 8D I really have nothing to say besides what Cici said. Um ... this will be more entertaining when we get into the actual story line thingamajig. xD Also, since I want SOME credit, I _do_ help with ideas and editing D:**

"Can you believe what Leader-sama said, Itachi-san?" a monstrous sized blue man known as Kisame asked a figure dressed in a black high collar cloak adorned in red clouds that matched his own cloak.

"Hn." was the only response Kisame received from Itachi. Kisame had worked with Itachi for so long know that in order to go crazy from conversation, or lack there of, he has decoded the mysterious language that is "Hn." This particular "Hn." quite possibly could have been a "No, Kisame-san I can not believe that what Leader-sama was saying is true. There is no way two girls could _just_fall out of the sky. I believe that all that power has driven him mad. By the way isn't the weather nice this evening?", or it might have been a "Kisame-san, I do not know nor do I care what Leader-sama says. Let's just get it over with so I can go have some sake.", but more so than all the rest Kisame believed it was a "Shut up Kisame and follow orders, so I can go back to torturing my brother in every way humanly possible."

Meanwhile in a parallel universe a blonde and a brunette sat and sneezed. "Who would be talking about us at this time of night?" the brunette asked.

"Who knows? Hey if we're lucky it might be some hott guys." the blonde suggested hopefully.

"Yeah right. Just keep telling yourself that, Timber. Maybe if it's true, then a swirling vortex of lights will appear and suck us in, and we will meet them, they will take us back with them, and we will all live happily ever after." the brunette answered sarcastically.

Timber was hit with a rare burst of ingenuity, "Oh my Jashin! Cici, write that down. I think you just gave inspiration to Fanfiction's latest and greatest fanfic."

Cici looked at her for a minute before a sly grin slipped across her face. "Perfect."

Just as Cici stopped talking a loud crash that sounded suspiciously like thunder was heard. A torrent of wind came rushing out of nowhere pulling the girls into it. Cici held her arm up in front of her face attempting to block the wind rushing into her eyes and blinding her. She squinted her eyes and barely made out a vortex with visible currents of wind coming out wrapping around her and Timber but leaving everything else in the room untouched.

The last words that went through their heads before they blacked out and taken to wherever the vortex planned on sending them were "Just like in a badly written Fanfic."

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**Cici:Hope you enjoyed it^^ please review so we will know if you like it or not. I will update whenever I finish the next chapter (roughly a week trust me we're going to make these chapters long.)**

**Timber: YES! LONGER CHAPTERS! This will probably be the shortest you'll see from us. **

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	2. Meeting With Leader

**Cici: . CURSE YOU PROCRASTINATION!!!!!!!!!!! So yeah basically my excuse for this update is I now have two new dogs (one's a pup and the other's full grown). So if you actually give a hoot about my personal life go read my Author's note at the bottom. . there are strange goings on here. (IDK I'm random today) ON WITH THE FIC!!!!!**

**Timber: Please excuse Cici 8D; She is not insane, not at all. She just has ADHD xD  
**

"I mean really, two girls- AGH!" Kisame's rant was cut short by two figures landing on him heavily.

Itachi, being confused as to why his partner stopped rambling, turned around to be met by a sight the Uchiha wouldn't soon forget. On top of an overly confused and slightly angered Kisame, were two unconscious girls laying sprawled out and looking out of place in the strange clothes they wore.

"Hn." Itachi smirked and began the journey back to the Akatsuki Head Quarters, or AHQ as he referred to it as.

Kisame translated this into a "Ha! I told you so. Now get your sorry butt up now and carry them back to AHQ, because I'm sure not doing it. Now off to get my dango." and proceeded to pick them both up and throw one over each shoulder. Grumbling Kisame turned and began the journey back to headquarters.

The girls woke up some hours later to be meet with a rather disturbing piece of information. They were both chained to the wall in a pitch-black room. Cici looked around the room uncertainly, trying to see through the darkness with her less than crappy eyesight. (1) "Timber?" she called out feebly.

"Cici?" Timber answered trying to locate where Cici's voice was coming from, which was amazingly difficult due to the echoes the room created.

"Where are we?" Cici asked raking her brain for possible conclusions.

"I don't know. All I remember is one minute we're sitting in your room, the next we're being sucked into a swirly vortex of doom, then…. Nothing."

"This is just like in a badly written fanfic." Cici concluded, "In three minutes Itachi is going to waltz through that door and take us to meet with Leader-sama."

"Two things wrong with that plan. One, _the_ Itachi Uchiha doesn't _waltz._ He glides sexily wherever it was he planned on going. Two, you just jinxed us so he'll probably send Hidan or someone else to do it for him." Timber said messing with the chains that bound her wrists.

"Want to count down with me?" Cici asked a bit bored with the situation.

"Sure." she agreed.

They both looked towards where they thought the door was and began the countdown "Three… Two… One…"

Hidan walked through the door begrudgingly. He hated it when Itachi thought he could boss everyone around just because he was a prodigy. Hidan was snapped out of his sulking when he heard hissing coming from the shadows of the room in front of him. "What the ----"

"HIDAN!!!" Timber and Cici yelled in a scolding voice.

"How the ----"

"HIDAN!!!" they screamed again. "You can't curse in this Fanfic! Children might be reading this."

"What? Fanfic? Reading?" Hidan asked more than overly confused at the girl's outburst.

"How the ---- do you know my name?" Hidan asked.

"If you can say one sentence without cursing I'll consider telling you." Cici offered.

"How about this? If you can answer my ---- question I'll _consider_ letting you live." Hidan threatened.

"But you can't kill us." Timber broke in.

"And why the ---- is that?" Hidan asked ferociously.

"Because your leader needs us alive and well." Cici smiled brightly at him.

"How the ---- do you know that." Hidan asked.

Timber and Cici looked at each other through the dim light then back to him. "We can see the foocha (future). OoOoOoOoh." they said in unison attempting to make a weird sound effect at the end.

Hidan stood there for a minute and promised himself that if Leader found them useless, he would sacrifice them to Jashin-sama.

"Hn." Hidan scoffed walking forward to unlock the chains from the wall, still leaving the girls with chains around their wrists. Taking the ends of the chains into his hands, Hidan pushed the girls forward, causing them to stumble a bit and walk to wherever he was talking them.

"I knew the Akatsuki hideout was big, but I never knew it was this big." Cici commented after fifteen minutes of walking down the same hallway.

"Cici use your head. This place has to be big enough to hold eleven people." Timber scolded.

"Eleven? How do you figure?"

"Orochimaru, Tobi, Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Konan, Pein, Kakuzu, and Hidan."

"Oh you were counting Michael Jackson."

"Who the ---- is Michael Jackson." Hidan asked interrupting.

"Trust us you don't want to know." They responded at the same time. Just then they walked up to a set of huge double doors.

"Enter." a voice said as they came to a halt.

"Creepy." Cici mouthed to Timber.

Timber nodded in agreement.

As they entered the room, everything was engulfed in darkness. A single dull light hung in the center of the room, revealing a desk at the corner of it. As they approached the desk, the girls felt a rise in the static electricity in the room. A man sat at the desk, the light only revealing his arms, torso, and the lower part of his face.

With the wave of one of his hands, he dismissed Hidan. One of his bridge piercing shone as he spoke. "Timber, Cici, I assume you know why you are here?"

"Well sir, we do have an idea." Cici looked at Timber letting her know that Cici would be doing the talking, to which Timber nodded in response.

'_Cici seems to want to be in control of what information is exchanged a natural-born leader. '_He thought to himself taking every little action in and filing it away for later. "Then do tell me what is your idea."

Cici narrowed her eyes at him, _'I need to be very careful about what information I give him, or I could just lose my life.'_ Cici swallowed a little bit at that thought. "Well, sir, I assume that we have some information that could be of use to you?"

"Tell me Cici. Do you know who we are?" he asked her not breaking eye contact.

"Yes, Pein."

"How much do you know?"

"Enough to save Akatsuki."

"How would you plan on doing that?"

"I would need to make an inspection on a few Akatsuki members to fully determine that."

"How long do you need?"

"I wouldn't know until I saw them."

"Very well. You are to stay here on base and are not to leave without at least two Akatsuki members for each of you. Konan will show you where you are to sleep and eat. You are to wake up at four in the morning for training. Dismissed."

"But, sir" Cici tried to explain to him but was already being drug out the door by Konan. "We're not ninja." she said quietly to the now closed doors.

**Cici: This is one of the strangest things that has ever happened to me, and trust me that's saying a lot. I had a "Just like in a badly written fanfic." Thursday, 8:03 P.M. December 25. I was watching a movie I got for Christmas, and I saw a bright light flash followed by a short boom. My Leader (who lives a few miles away) reported the same thing, but my neighbors didn't see or hear it. Only me and my parents. That night me and my leader shared a dream (it happens more often than you would think) about Akatsuki kidnapping my Squads leaders (which unfortunately I'm one of them. 2nd in command. So if I disappear for more than 3 months you know what happened.) Okay now that I'm done rambling . ON TO THE COOKIE LIST!!! Wolfdmon and KunaiKandies congrats you now has cookies :3 … moving on to the evil telitubbie chair of DOOM list: … nobody ^^ nice to know people listen to me^^ Don't forget to review^^**

**Timber: Yeah, she called me asking if I heard or saw anything, and I did not. xD Um ... anyway. Like she said, review please ^^  
**


	3. Bets and French Toast

**DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWNS!!!!!**

**Cici: Wow how long has it been? *checks last update* wow about five months, Okay now this time, I can really explain. ^^' my laptop crashed, and it's about time for finals, actually I should be studying for a three hour long chemistry final instead of updating this, but I felt guilty about not updating in forever. Gomenasai (if I even spelled that right). So enjoy this longer than normal chapter.**

**Timber: And I can't type fanfictions to save my life D8 so I just help Cici with a lot of the ideas and act like a cheer leader .. sort of. Sorry this took so long guys v.v**

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Konan turned around and looked at the two flustered girls standing there hopelessly. She sighed as she turned back around. "Follow me." The girls wordlessly followed her down the hall.

"Umm? Konan-san?" Cici asked timidly.

"Hmm?"

"Does he _really_ expect us to train?"

"Yes."

"But I'm a coward, not a fighter." Timber said meekly.

Konan stopped abruptly in her tracks, "How much fighting do you know?" she asked turning around to face them.

"I took karate once for two months with I was seven." Cici supplied.

"I watched a fight at school. Does that count?" Timber asked grinning a bit.

Konan smacked her palm against her forehead mumbling something along the lines of "Stupid shark and weasel probably got to lazy to get the real girls and came back with these two idiots."

"Konan-san?" Cici asked tugging on Konan's sleeve like a little kid. Konan slowly turned her head toward them. "These two idiots are hungry." she grinned innocently.

Glaring Konan led the way to the kitchen, "Since you can't fight you'll have to be useful around the hideout somehow; you two are to cook and clean everyday."

Cici's hand shot up in the air as she danced around in one spot a bit. "Teacher-lady-sama I gots to tell you something."

Konan groaned, _"This is going to be a long day." _"Yes?"

"Cleaning is against my religion." Cici stated seriously.

Konan sweat dropped. _"You have got to be kidding me, these little __**brats**__ are supposed to __**save **__the Akatsuki? … I think Nagato might have finally lost it."_

"Great another religious freak." a freakishly tall man with stitches covering his face and arms said.

"Jesus freak and _proud of it_." Cici crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue at him.

Timber raised her hand a little "Yeah… umm… I can't cook."

Konan was at her last nerve, gritting her teeth she managed to growl out "I don't care how you do it, or even if you get the magical food pixies to do it. As long as it gets done." Frustrated she turned around, "TOBI!!!" she yelled.

Seconds later a man wearing a swirly orange mask was standing in the kitchen saluting Konan, "Yes, Konan-sama?"

"Show these girls to their rooms." she ordered and left gingerly rubbing her temples, trying to soothe what she knew was going to be a splitting migraine.

Tobi turned around and grinned at them from behind the mask, "Tobi's name is Tobi. What's Pretty girls' names?"

Cici and Timber smiled and blushed at the sheer amount of cuteness radiating off of him.

They couldn't take it any more, both of them ran and glomped Tobi. "Cici's name is a secret, but Tobi can call Cici, Cici." Cici smiled happily at him.

"You can call me, Timber" She also smiled from the other side of him.

"Oh great, we have two more Tobi's" a blonde man with long hair commented from the doorway.

"Timber look she has your hair!" Cici snickered a bit.

The he/she sent a death glare worthy of belonging to Satan himself at the two girls. "I'm a _boy_, yeah."

"So you're a girl?"

"No, yeah."

"No you're not a boy, or yes you're a girl?"

"I'm a _boy_, un!"

"Are you sure."

The blonde's ears turned red, "Of course I'm sure, you BAKA!" he yelled.

Tobi looked at him, "Be nice to Cici-chan, Deidara-senpai."

"I'm going to kill you, un." he said through gritted teeth before stalking out of the room.

Tobi looked back at the girls "Senpai doesn't know how to treat pretty ladies."

"Tobi? Where are our rooms?" Cici asked.

"This way, follow Tobi!" he said happily skipping down the hallway. Timber and Cici looked at each other for a minute before shrugging and skipping down the hallway after Tobi.

Tobi stopped skipping and opened up a door, "We're here."

Cici looked inside. "Nice." she said as she walked over to a twin sized bed and flopped down on it. "Nice springs." she muttered to herself.

Timber stood at the doorway and observed the room. It had two twin beds pushed against opposite walls, with a medium-sized dresser. The rest of the room was bland. It was then that Timber noticed the earthy smell in the air and the moisture. "Are we underground?" she turned to Tobi.

Tobi looked back at her, "Tobi isn't allowed to tell pretty girls where we are."

Timber sighed in minor annoyance as she turned around to see what she had only seen in her wildest dreams. The Itachi Uchiha was gliding sexily down the hallway getting closer to her. "Cici, I think I'm in love." she squealed with hearts in her eyes.

"Huh?" Cici craned her head around to see what Timber was looking at. "Oh, Uchiha." she said suddenly understanding.

Timber watched him and sighed dreamily as Itachi walked by, not even sparing her a glance. "He is so sexy."

Cici covered her mouth in an attempt to cover up her laughing. "What ever you say, Timber." she shook her head as she walked over to the dresser. Pulling open one of the drawers Cici noticed a _slight_ problem, "There's no clothes in here."

"Kakuzu-sama should be able to take care of that for you." Tobi supplied helpfully.

Cici paled a little, "D-does it h-have to be K-kazuzu-san?" she asked, "W-why can't _you_ get me some, Tobi-kun?"

"Does Kakuzu freak you out?"

Cici nodded, "Let's just say that even where I'm from, Kakuzu's very famous for his, erm… profession."

Tobi nodded in understanding, "Don't worry Cici-chan, Tobi will get some clothes for pretty girls." he replied tilting his head to the side cutely.

Cici's eyes shone with appreciation, she hugged him "Thank you so much Tobi-kun!" she was interrupted by her stomach growling… loudly. Cici's face turned bright red.

"I'm going to get some food." Cici rubbed the back of her head nervously. Having said that, Cici turned around and tried to find her way back to the kitchen.

"I'm coming with you Cici." Timber yelled after her, following her to the kitchen.

Five turns and two growling stomachs later, the girls arrive at the kitchen. "Finally food!" Cici exclaimed running toward the refrigerator.

She looked inside only to find half a carton of eggs, a gallon of rotten milk, and random spills and stains of stuff Cici didn't know or _want_ to know what it was. Frowning she bolted towards the cabinets hoping for some type of food. Crossing her fingers, she opened the door seeing nothing but instant ramen and a loaf of bread. "I guess we're having French Toast." she grinned, glad she could find the ingredients to fix something halfway decent to eat.

Timber leaned against the countertop lazily as Cici began her search for clean dishes, which was proving futile. Bored, Timber looked over at the doorway hoping that someone would come in so she could bug them. Fate smiled on Timber as Itachi walked through the door, having been drawn by the smell of something edible, which was very rare in the Akatsuki hideout. Timber grinned and screamed "Marry me!" while attempting to glomp him. Itachi easily sidestepped Timber's attack and smirked slightly as she fell on her face.

Cici snickered as she put the last of the French Toast on the plate. Kakuzu suddenly appeared in the doorway and said, "I'm taking bets on who will last longer, Cici or Timber." Cici turned around to look at him and noticed several (hungry looking) Akatsuki members had gathered there while she was cooking.

"I place 500 yen on Cici." Deidara said.

"Not feeling very confident today Deidei-chan?" Kakuzu asked looking up from his record book.

"Fine! 50,000 yen"

"Your business is appreciated." Kakuzu smirked from behind his mask.

"_That's exactly why I don't like him_." Cici thought shivering slightly, "_He reminds me too much of Kyoya from Ouran High School Host Club, but in a more threatening 'I'll kill you' way."_

"8,000 on the brunette." Kisame said taking a sip of sake.

"Anything that isn't devoted to Jashin-sama, _including_ money is a sin." Hidan said disgusted at the gambling.

"I bet 10 chocolate bars on Cici-chan." Tobi said.

"Tobi, how many times do I have to tell you? Chocolate isn't accepted as a bet!" Kakuzu said angrily snapping his book shut.

Cici giggled slightly at the childish man, looking up she noticed everyone was staring at her (minus Timber's who was still too busy drooling over Itachi, and Itachi who just frankly _did not care_) "What?" she asked confused, feeling her face glow red under their stares. "Umm… Who wants French Toast?" she held up the plate.

"Umm what's French Toast." Tobi asked.

"It's toast from France." Timber explained.

"Where's France?" Tobi asked.

"It's in a magical far away land full of pastries and tomato sauce." Timber explained.

"I'm surprised you've lasted _this_ long." Cici looked over at Timber.

"And why would _you _last any longer than me, Cici?"

"Look at their faces after they take a bite of that." She pointed at the Akatsuki members.

The Akatsuki member's eyes widened, as they tasted it.

"Holy ---- this B---- can COOK!" Hidan shouted with his mouth half full.

"You honestly expected different?" Cici asked narrowing her eyes slightly, "_this is a badly written fanfic after all."_ she added mentally.

**Cici: Okayz now on to the Cookie list :3 : Fathom Falcona: thx :3 u now has cookies. Sleeping itasaku fangirl: thx :3 I remembered the disclaimer this time. Moondemon36: u now has a cookie :3 **

**Timber: YAY COOKIE LIST. I feel like Sakura in this xD haha. I'm not that bad about my Itachi fandom in real life, but honestly, he's hoooot D8 who could not at least stare at him? Anyway, hope you enjoyed this :D**


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